Tag Archives: Calvin & Hobbes

U.P. Memories Continued

So, let’s get to the reason for the title of the last conversation we had….

It’s very important that you know that this lake had bloodsuckers in it (yes, leeches are the same thing, but calling them “bloodsuckers” seems far more appropriate for the disgusting, perverted and selfish behavior they exhibit).  I don’t recall anyone informing me of this vital and necessary information until I was waist-high in the water the morning after we all got there and saw one swim by me at a measly distance of twelve inches . That really took any fun I was having in the water and shot it to oblivion. I hate creepy creatures like that and I found out that they were all over that lake.  If you can picture Calvin (from Calvin & Hobbes) hovering above the surface of the water with his legs and arms flailing so fast that he’s levitating himself, his eyes as big as saucers as he looks down into the water below him at something that has scared him spitless, that’s what I looked like when I saw that vile creature.  I don’t recall getting in the water much after that.

I remember Cindy and a friend of hers being out on the floating dock one day sunning themselves.  The dock was a good seventy-five to one-hundred yards away from the shore and she eventually hollered over the water’s surface that she really wanted her Dad to come out with the canoe and get them so that they didn’t have to get in the water (because, as you can imagine, the water between the shoreline and the floating dock was unquestionably patrolled on a regular basis by fleets of these life-sucking creatures trolling to and fro, just waiting to engage a helpless victim and drag them to the dark depths of the lake where they could feed at their leisure).  This memory sticks indelibly in my head, because we watched in amazement as he left the shoreline in the canoe by himself and paddled by himself straight as an arrow to the floating dock to rescue his daughter from the evil clutches of those vehement blood-sucking bloodsuckers.  Do you know how hard that is to do?  But he did it perfectly.  We were all amazed and impressed.

One up-side to this cabin was the sauna that it had.  The evenings  in Northern Michigan are typically cool, so we would sit in the sauna and get as hot and sweaty as possible, then run into the darkness from the sauna to the lake as fast as possible and jump in.  Except for me.  I would go to the water’s edge and quickly fling some water on myself to cool off.  If I couldn’t see what was potentially lurking in the water for me, I wasn’t about to give it a free meal. (Jeff and Todd, however, did this repeatedly, which makes me wonder what kind of immunity they had somehow built up in order to withstand the vicious, blood-sucking attacks they must surely have been enduring every time they dove into that dark water.  Absolutely amazing.)

Join me again and we’ll talk about black bears…..

The Banana Seat

The snow is really starting to melt!

That means it’s gettin’ time to be riding bikes again.  Which means it’s time to tell you about my banana seat bike.

It was the first bike I ever had.  Orange with a brown banana seat that had some sort of cowboy imprint on it (probably to give me the impression that I was in the saddle of the toughest mustang in the midwest).  I learned to ride a bike on this one.  And so it followed me out to Bath when we moved, just like a puppy dog not wanting to be left behind.  It was then that it began to reveal its true nature.

Remember those Calvin & Hobbes cartoons where Calvin’s bike is hiding around the corner, just waiting to pounce on him, beat him up and then take off….eh?  Well this bike of mine slowly but surely became that bike.  It apparently had an affinity for a certain part of my anatomy due to that really cool banana seat.  So, for the sake of propriety, that part of my anatomy shall be heretofore and henceforth referred to as “The Twins”.  (If you’ve ever heard Bill Engvall’s remarks about the twins, you know exactly what I am referring to; if you haven’t, well….I’m sure you can figure it out).

It started with a home-made ramp my brother and I built for the sidewalk that was right in front of our house in Bath.  It was a ranch house, so the sidewalk went the full length of it–plenty of runway for a bike with a really cool banana seat to get some air between the tires and the sidewalk, right?  For the most part, it was.  But not always.  Sure, any kid taking a bike over a home-made ramp is probably going to meet with some sort of disaster eventually.  But put a kid who’s got a bike with a really cool banana seat into the mix, and you’ve just created a potent and high-risk situation, my friend.  The Twins are witnesses of that fact and they told me so on more than one occasion.

But what this” I-want-to-be-like-Calivin’s-bike bike did to me after the ramp episode was absolutely uncalled for.

I’ll tell you about that next time….